Barricade Loves His Donuts
by Hallas
Summary: Inspired by Black Dragon Queen's amazing story "Cover Me." Barricade has a sudden craving for DONUTS on his roadtrip with the Autobots and other Decepticons. One Shot; Barricade/Bumblebee, implied Prowl/Jazz, implied Sideswipe/Sunstreaker.


Transformers fic. Crack, crack, and yes, MORE CRACK. Yet another text message roleplay between **Himeno24** and myself! Note that this was not written with plan or on purpose. It sort of just.....happened. This fic may also be found on deviantART under the pen name **charlietheunicorn711**.

Also let me note that in this one-shot: The main pairings are (m/m): Barricade/Bumblebee; and implied Sideswipe/Sunstreaker, implied Prowl/Jazz. (inspired by **Black Dragon Queen**'s "Cover Me"). _5000_ _Cubes of Energon on a Wall_ and the setting of the Cybertronians being on a road trip also come from **Black Dragon Queen**'s "Cover Me." Megatron's single line that seemingly comes out of nowhere is due to the fact that both he and Frenzy currently inhabit Frenzy's body. Again inspired by **Black Dragon Queen**'s "Cover Me." The inspirations for the involvement of donuts belong to **JinoSan**, **chingc, **and** GothicJellyBean** on deviantART.

Now before you go and read, here are the credits of the ideas that found their way into the conversation: pics from **JinoSan**, **chingc**, and **GothicJellyBean** on deviantART inspired the donuts. **Black Dragon Queen**'s "Cover Me" inspired this fic as a whole.

**Disclaimer:** I DO NOT OWN TRANSFORMERS AND AM NOT MAKING ANY MONEY OUT OF THIS STORY! THIS IS PURELY FOR ENTERTAINMENT! SO YOU NO SUE! KAPEESH?

* * *

Jazz: *sings* 5000 cubes of energon on a wall! 5000 cubes! Take one down, pass it around, 4999 cubes of energon on a wall!!

Everyone: *humming along*

Soundwave: Please…please don't get them started. Not again.

Jazz: But I thought you liked music!!

Soundwave: I do. But THAT is _not_ music.

Jazz: What are you talking about, man? This song is a classic!

Soundwave: It's a classic for drunken idiots.

Barricade: *stops humming* Hey! Are you calling me a drunken idiot?! *outraged*

Soundwave: *looks away with a smirk*

Bumblebee: In other words…yes! *grin*

Jazz: *snicker*

Barricade: *insulted gasp* Bee! I thought you were on my side!!

Bumblebee: I AM on your side. But that doesn't mean I can't tease you. Heh heh.

Jazz: He has a point, Runner!

Barricade: Grrr….slag you AND this roadtrip!

Bumblebee: I love you too, Cade.

Jazz: Aww, now isn't that sweet! *wink*

Soundwave: Primus…why must I be surrounded by idiots?

Jazz: Aww, I love you too Soundwave! *tries to glomp*

Soundwave: Get away from me! *dodges Jazz and retreats*

Jazz: Aww, Wave!! *pouts before looking at Cade and smirking evilly* Group hug!!

Barricade: Wha-? *balks when he sees Jazz rocketing towards him* NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *is tackled by Jazz*

Bumblebee: Yaaay!! *joins Jazz*

Sideswipe: What's going on?

Jazz: Group hug!!!

Sunstreaker: Sweet!! *glomps Cade, Sides following suit*

Barricade: GET OFF!!!!! *tries to shake his attackers off*

Bumblebee: *grope*

Barricade: *gasp* HEY!!!

Sideswipe/Sunstreaker/Jazz: What?

Barricade: Uh…n-nothing. Carry on.

Sideswipe/Sunstreaker/Jazz: Yay!! *glomp Cade again*

Barricade: SLAG!!! NO!!! THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!!! FRAG IT BEE!!!! *glares at his groper*

Bumblebee: *disentangles himself from the group and snickers*

Soundwave: *from behind them* You sure you're not a Con?

Frenzy: I s-saw that Bee.

Bumblebee: Saw what? I don't know what you're talking about.

Frenzy: Heh heh, y-y-you're lucky the others didn't s-see you.

Bumblebee: *in hushed voice* Well Cade and I ARE together. *wink*

Jazz: What're you two whispering about over there?

Barricade: *muffled as he is under a mech pile* HEEEELP MEEEEE!!!!!

Frenzy: Heh heh, c-cute. Y-you two are r-real cute. *wink*

Barricade: Great that you think so, now HELP ME!!! *reaches out from under mech pile*

Sunstreaker: Great that he thinks what??

Sideswipe: Yeah, what?

Bumblebee: *watches as Cade wrenches his head from the mech pile* What's in it for me if I help you? *wink*

Barricade: What's in it for you? I'm gonna cuff you and- *motions for Bee to come closer and whispers naughty things into his audio processors*

Bumblebee: Wowza!! *noseplate leak* All right, EVERYONE OFF HIM!!!

Everyone: Aww, come on Bee!!!

Bumblebee: OFF HIM!!! NOW!!!!! *death glare*

Everyone: *shiver*

Sideswipe: Whoa, what's with Bee?

Sunstreaker: You have energon leaking from your noseplates.

Jazz: What did you DO, Cade?

Barricade: *snickers as he brushes himself off* More like what I'm GOING to do.

Frenzy: M-more like what I'm g-gonna RECORD you do to s-s-sell to the others. Heh heh.

Barricade: Oh no! Absolutely NO-!

Frenzy: I-if you d-don't, I'll give all the B-bots pictures of you as a s-s-sparkling instead!

Bumblebee: Sparkling pictures of Cade?! Lemme see!!!!

Barricade: *gawk* How did-?! Where did-?!

Bumblebee: Lemme see, lemme see, lemme see!!!!

Barricade: You're not _getting_ any if you set your optics on that picture, Bee!

Bumblebee: Aww, but Cade-! *teary optics*

Sideswipe/Sunstreaker/Jazz: WHAT DID YOU SAY, CADE?!?!?! *gape*

Barricade: Huh? *realizes his mistake* Oh, _slag_! I said…uh…I said he's not getting any…any…any donuts!! Yeah, he's not getting any donuts!!

Jazz: Donuts?? *frown* But…Epps and Prowl already bought him some donuts back at the last stop. They bought a ton. He can't be upset about not getting any donuts. *frown deepens*

Bumblebee: Yeah, I just had some this morning. *smirk*

Barricade: Oh, well…uh…I didn't know…I don't want any now anyway. I guess I'll get him donuts later then.

Bumblebee: In The-Middle-of-Nowhere, Alaska? *smirk*

Barricade: AIR MAIL!!! I'll use air mail!!!

Sideswipe/Sunstreaker: Are you trying to hide something from us?

Jazz: Yeah…you're acting…weird.

Frenzy: *snicker*

Bumblebee: He _is_ acting weird, isn't he? *evil smirk* Well, since Epps and Prowl have so generously supplied me with all the donuts that _I_ need, then I guess I won't be needing _you_ until AFTER we go home. Two weeks isn't too long of a wait to GIVE ME SOME, is it? *winks at Cade*

Sunstreaker: *to Sides* What in the Matrix is going on?

Sideswipe: *to Sunny* I don't know!

Barricade: TWO WEEKS?!?! ARE YOU INSANE?!?!?! *horrified*

Jazz: Why? What's so important about donuts that can't wait two weeks??

Bumblebee: I don't know, Jazz. I don't know. *smirk* I was going to share my…DONUTS with him _tonight_, but if he doesn't want any, that's fine with me. I'll live. *winks at Cade again*

Sunstreaker: *to Sides* Why does he keep winking at him?

Sideswipe: *to Sunny* I don't know!!!

Barricade: But I REALLY want my DONUTS!!!

Jazz: Why are you suddenly so obsessed with donuts??

Sunstreaker: Yeah!

Barricade: I'm a cop bot! I LOVE to _have_ *glares at snickering Bee* my DONUTS!!!!!

Bumblebee: But you're the one who said you don't WANT ANY right now anyway. *winks once more*

Sunstreaker: *to Sides* Again with the winking!!!

Sideswipe: *to Sunny* It's driving me insane too!!! But it must mean that these donuts are _really_ good!

Sunstreaker: *to Sides* Yeah!!

Jazz: Will you PLEASE explain what's going on?!?!

Sideswipe/Sunstreaker: Can we have some donuts, Cade? They must be _really_ good donuts if you're going crazy about them!! *grin*

Bumblebee: Yes, Cade. Do tell. Exactly how much to you love your…DONUTS? *hard stare*

Barricade: I…uh…*stunned silence; if he could sweat, he'd be sweating*

Bumblebee: *snicker*

Jazz: Well? Any explanation?

Sideswipe/Sunstreaker: We want some of these donuts!!

Bumblebee: Hmm…what do you say, Cade? Should I share?

Barricade: *voice capacitator temporarily offline*

Bumblebee: I always did want to try sharing my…SECRET RECIPE that you seem to like so much. *wink*

Sunstreaker: He winked again!!

Sideswipe: Ooh, you know how to make donuts Bee? And they're Cade's favorite? Wow, you must be really good at making donuts! *claps Bee on the back*

Bumblebee: *to himself* Oh, if only you knew. *smirks at Cade*

Frenzy: *snicker*

Jazz: Wow, now _I_ want some!!

Barricade: *onlines his voice capacitator* You may NOT have some!! It is MINE!!! I don't SHARE my donut!!!!

Jazz: Aww, come on Runner!! Just a tiny nibble??

Barricade: Have you forgotten?! I am a CON! Cons don't like to SHARE!!! *fuming*

Sunstreaker: Wait…IT? Why singular? Is there a specific donut you like?

Bumblebee: *smirk* Oh, you bet there is. It has yellow frosting. *grin*

Jazz: Yellow frosting? *contemplates* Yellow? Like you?

Bumblebee: *ignoring Cade's frantic signals to cut it* EXACTLY like me.

Jazz: *suddenly gets the hint* OHHHH!!!!!! I see!!!

Sideswipe/Sunstreaker: What?! SEE WHAT?!?!

Jazz: Oh, nothing. *winks at ever snickering Bee* It's just a special donut made especially for Cade. We shouldn't steal his SPECIAL DONUT, now should we? *looks at Cade, smirking*

Barricade: *mouth agape* WHAAAT?!?!

Sideswipe/Sunstreaker: What, what, what?!?!?! TELL US!!!!!

Jazz: *laugh* Well you see-

Barricade: YOU DO _NOT_ WANT TO FINISH THAT SENTENCE!!!!! *aims cannon at laughing Jazz*

Bumblebee: Cade, be nice or no donut for two weeks. *tuts teasingly*

Barricade: WHAT?!?! You lie!! You wouldn't dare!!! *doesn't sound at all confident*

Bumblebee: As the humans would say: Au contraire. I WOULD.

Barricade: But…!! But I…!!! Gah!!! Fine. *lowers weapon reluctantly*

Jazz: Wow Runner, never knew you would ever be this serious… *smirk*

Sideswipe/Sunstreaker: Serious about WHAT?!?!?!

Barricade: *indecipherable mumbling* ……well…what can I say...I love my donut. *cough*

Bumblebee: *jaw drop and wide optics*

Jazz: Awwwww!!!!!

Bumblebee: …………*GLOMPS Cade*

Sideswipe/Sunstreaker: WHAT THE SLAG?!?!?! *jaw drop*

Bumblebee: Aww!!! That was so…so…*hugs Cade harder* You rarely say that!!! *teary optics*

Jazz: So cuuuute!!! *calls to Wave, who is still keeping his distance* You could learn a thing or two from Runner, Soundwave!

Soundwave: *catches up* What's this about me??

Frenzy: *snickering madly*

Barricade: *small smile; temporarily ignores the others to hug Bee back*

Sunstreaker: *dumbstruck* What in the Matrix is going on?!?!?! Why are they cuddling?!?!

Sideswipe: You infected them both with viruses, didn't you Frenzy?

Frenzy: W-WHY DOES EVERYONE ALWAYS B-BLAME M-ME?!?!?!

Jazz: Because even though he is offlined himself, you can't blame He-Whose-Name-We-Cannot-Say unless you want him to come back for you and offline you himself!

Megatron: *snickers*

Frenzy: Slag you!! *waps side of his head*

Jazz: What?

Frenzy: Nothing!

Jazz: Oookay then.

Frenzy: Gah! Whatever! *notices the still blown away Lambos and gets a sudden bright idea* ……H-hey Lambos! I think B-b-barricade may have ONE donut with y-yellow frosting left! I t-t-think he has it r-right now!

Sideswipe/Sunstreaker: *broken from their confused trances* DONUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *make for Cade and Bee*

Barricade: Wha-? OH, NO WAY IN THE PITS!!!!!! IT'S _MY_ DONUT!!!!!!!!!! *throws Bee over his shoulder and runs for it*

Soundwave: Idiots. Still surrounded by idiots.

Jazz: *bursts into laughter at the twins' outrage of being deprived of Cade's precious donut*

Frenzy: C-cops and their donuts. *wink*

* * *

A/N: Another crack creation from **Himeno24** and yours truly! **R&R**!


End file.
